Saturday, November 08, 2014

Too Non-Confrontational.

I suck at confrontation. 

I hate it. I hate it in all of its forms-- with The Hubs, at work, with rude strangers, with friends--I'd rather let things go and try to deal with it on my own than actually sit down with someone and hash it out. 

This is why: I cry during confrontation. Like, every time. 
Let me preface this by saying that I cry a lot-- I cry when I'm happy, sad, laughing too hard, angry... I cry during commercials or documentaries like Blackfish. Even when I'm talking about Blackfish I start crying. Even right now, as I type "Blackfish" I could start crying because it's on my mind. 


I claim my tears and overly sensitive nature. Crying can be a nice release. I've been making ugly cry face forever. 
My best confrontations are the ones with the Hubs because when I cry during those confrontations, I can just say (in between hiccups and sniffles), "I know I'm crying, but we really need to finish this, okay!?" He's okay with it. 

I really hate crying during confrontations in my professional life because I want to come off as sure of myself and not a pushover. I once had a colleague yell at me for being a biased liberal who tries to brainwash children into doing too much social justice and what did I do? I started to respond, but then my voice cracked. Sooooo, I walked away and cried in my classroom during my plan period with the door closed while thinking up really good responses for the rest of the day. 
How can you sound sure of yourself when your voice is cracking because your throat is SUPER tight and you're making an ugly cry face?
While a mean colleague could make me cry quite easily, I never cried in front of my students unless it was something really horrible, like death horrible. Why was it so easy for me to engage in confrontations with students without crying, but when I'm engaged in any adult-to-adult confrontation, it makes me cry?! 

This is what I do in the face of confrontation... nothing. I sit and tell myself that if I'm just positive enough or work hard enough that the confrontation will pass and then I won't have to worry about it. This could end badly. 
I need to work on this. But how? How do you work on not caring what other people think? How do you actually talk out what you think and feel without crying? Someone please give me confrontation lessons. I will pay you in baked goods. 


RockStarTri said...

This post made me cry.

Seriously, my wife used to be like this. She cried at a stranger's wedding more than once. She is better now but every once in a while I see her nose starting to quiver and I know what's next.

I've had people who work for me that cry at everything, happy and sad. My solution was to keep tissues in my office.

Let us know if you figure it out.

do_it_ajen said...

Lol, how'd your wife stop crying?!

Ginny said...

I cry when I get angry or frustrated. I've learned to stick up for myself better and be confrontational when it's needed but it's still hard.

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