Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Why You Little...

*Disclaimer: It's the end of the school year. My posts might be more school related than usual. This is the post where I describe how I wanted to go all Homer Simpson on a student but I kept it cool. 

Please excuse me.

I teach seniors and since it's the end of the school year, they are getting-- as my babies would say-- cray.

Take for example, my student (now known as Kid) who was on a Wednesday mission to make me blow up. It didn't work, but geez. The kid was thisclose.

Let me set the scene.
Setting- Computer lab
Me- Walking around helping seniors with multi-genre research papers. 
Kid- 18-year-old senior
The Situation- I just handed back a "final draft" that had been written in pencil on a crumpled piece of paper. I told the student to revise it so I could enter a better grade in the book.

Here is the conversation.
Kid: You gave me a D on this? WHY?
Me: Hey man, it's only your first draft! You've got to redo it. When you analyze something you've got to have more than two sentences, you know? Remember when we talked about deep reading and analytical writing?
Kid: I hate this class. (Types "I HATE YOUR CLASS" into the Google search box.)
Me: You know, we could spend this time revising your work together instead of doing silly things like that.
Kid: I don't revise work. We've been over this. My work is perfect the first time. (Under breath) You never help me. I hate your class. This is stupid. You give too much work. 
Me: Remember when we read Anne Lamott's essay "Shitty First Drafts"? This is kind of what she was talking about. This piece of paper is just a starter.
Kid: (Mimic-y tone) I don't do revision. My work is perfect.
Me: (Sighs. Probably audibly) Okay, well, why don't you edit the work? See where you put "there" instead of "their"? You could fix that.
Kid: No. (Flatly) My draft is perfect. (Types "THIS SUX ITS TO MUCH WORK" into the Google search box.)
Me: Okayyyyy, well I'm going to go over there and work with some other students because this is going nowhere. Let me know when you want to workshop your writing.
Kid: (Under breath) I don't need your stupid help. You make me do too much thinking. You are dumb. I don't revise work. Duh. Ugh. I don't like you. You suck. This work is too much. blah. blah. blah. 

Kid spent the next 40 minutes of class talking to a different kid next to him about how I was expecting too much work from people who are about the graduate from high school and typing things like "Ms H is dumb" into Google because he knew I would walk by and see the screen.
What I was doing in my head during this whole situation.
UGH! If this was a different kind of school, in a different time, in a different country I would have gone cray on the Kid! Geez Kid! This is all I have to say to you with memes on my blog because I can't say it to your face even though I realllllllly want to:

Hey Kid, you think you are gonna get through a college class with that 'tude? Well...

Listen Kid, I'm trying to help you. If I really sucked and never helped you, etc., etc., then I'd be all like this:
and you'd have an F- because you are a big jerk!

Okay Kid, perhaps you will (sadly) never use analysis skills to read the world. I'm at the very least trying to help you understand witty things like this:
and this:

Ya dig, Kid? Ya dig?

And my rant is over. I'm gonna go read so hard libraries tryin' fine me:


kslapplander said...

Senior year is tough...they are lucky to have a teacher like who you cares about them!

Jen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

Wow, I teach 5th grade and that sounds like something one of my students would do.

Poor kid has no idea what's coming! Sometimes I want to shake my students and say "IF you don't straighten up you will be in jail or homeless before you turn 25!!!"

Of course I don't do it and I don't think it would do any good anyways.

Hang in there! It's almost over!!

do_it_ajen said...

Update: Kid turned in all of his work today redone to all my specifications. Yessssssssss *fist pump* We both win... Muahahaha.

do_it_ajen said...

Oops, I just deleted my own comment from my other account... what I meant to say, Kristie, is that I remember that feeling but I know I didn't act like that!!!

Unknown said...

This makes me so happy to know that the 8th grade shits don't grow up and mature. YAY! I always assume they are better for their high school teachers.

sgrmse. said...

you're hilarious! :D :D i wish i could teach, too!

GurlNxtDoor said...

Wow. You just reminded me why I chose not to go into teaching...especially at a high school level. Bless you and people like you who have the patience to put up with that cray shit.
Bless you.

Kristin Miller said...

How about "Please stop talking." Student response, "I'm not talking." So now, my only communication is "So your mouth moving and making noises right now is you not talking?" Awkward silence. Me: "I thought so." I hate 5th grade because of incidents like this! Yours are far worse. I teach elementary, and I have SO much respect for high school teachers. I don't know how you keep your cool. You're an awesome group of people! Happy Teacher Appreciation Week! You don't "sux"! That kid cray. He'll be thinking of you when he's questioned by someone not so nice.

do_it_ajen said...

Yep, the older kids do that too:
"Put your phone away please!"
"My phone isn't out, GOD!"


Britt { Magpie Collective } said...

The two last photos about being a grammar snob and eating grandma had frequented my Twitter and Facebook. Seriously, I'm a huge snob as well when it comes to spelling and punctuation. I feel ya.

The Secondhand Magpie

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