Why, Body, Why?!

I've had the last two weeks off and I've spent them being sick. 

WTF?! 

UGH, so frustrating. I had plans for this break, but my body just decided to shut down on me. I haven't been able to work out except for some gentle yoga and I think I've been taking four naps a day. How is my body going to adjust to going back to work?

The worst part about this sickness is that there doesn't appear to be any medicine for it. I went to the doctor twice and both times she just said in no uncertain terms, "Buck up and wait it out. It's a virus." REALLY?! Nothing? Not even a placebo. Not even cough syrup for my hacking cough.

There's nothing like starting a new year feeling totally unhealthy and like there is no way you will ever be healthy again. I've never been sick for this long. I was a three-days-of-feeling-horrible-and-then-feeling-back-to-normal kind of sick person. Maybe getting into my 30s means being sick for inordinate amounts of time. 

Wah.

Wah.

Wah!

So, this is my first blog post of 2015. Seems like a promising year, eh? 

-___-

Hope all of you are in tip-top shape! Seriously, I do. 

Too Non-Confrontational.

I suck at confrontation. 

I hate it. I hate it in all of its forms-- with The Hubs, at work, with rude strangers, with friends--I'd rather let things go and try to deal with it on my own than actually sit down with someone and hash it out. 

This is why: I cry during confrontation. Like, every time. 

Let me preface this by saying that I cry a lot-- I cry when I'm happy, sad, laughing too hard, angry... I cry during commercials or documentaries like Blackfish. Even when I'm talking about Blackfish I start crying. Even right now, as I type "Blackfish" I could start crying because it's on my mind. 

Anyway.

I claim my tears and overly sensitive nature. Crying can be a nice release. I've been making ugly cry face forever. 

My best confrontations are the ones with the Hubs because when I cry during those confrontations, I can just say (in between hiccups and sniffles), "I know I'm crying, but we really need to finish this, okay!?" He's okay with it. 

I really hate crying during confrontations in my professional life because I want to come off as sure of myself and not a pushover. I once had a colleague yell at me for being a biased liberal who tries to brainwash children into doing too much social justice and what did I do? I started to respond, but then my voice cracked. Sooooo, I walked away and cried in my classroom during my plan period with the door closed while thinking up really good responses for the rest of the day. 

How can you sound sure of yourself when your voice is cracking because your throat is SUPER tight and you're making an ugly cry face?

While a mean colleague could make me cry quite easily, I never cried in front of my students unless it was something really horrible, like death horrible. Why was it so easy for me to engage in confrontations with students without crying, but when I'm engaged in any adult-to-adult confrontation, it makes me cry?! 

This is what I do in the face of confrontation... nothing. I sit and tell myself that if I'm just positive enough or work hard enough that the confrontation will pass and then I won't have to worry about it. This could end badly. 

I need to work on this. But how? How do you work on not caring what other people think? How do you actually talk out what you think and feel without crying? Someone please give me confrontation lessons. I will pay you in baked goods. 

Hardest Goal Yet Teaser

Yesterday I insanely biked 35 dumb miles to South Haven and then back 35 chafe-enducing and whiny miles to Kalamazoo on the butt-bruising Kal-Haven Trail. I will write about it when I no longer use negative adverbs and adjectives to describe it. ;)

I can't believe I did it. 

Earworm Wednesday: Damien Rice

Last night I had my weekly Tuesday trail run followed by five dollar burger night at one of my favorite places in town. One of the best parts of five dollar burgers is that sometimes there are bands playing while I eat my deliciously juicy and cheap burger with a side of portabella fries. Music and five dollar burgers? I mean, come on! Why aren't you running with us and then getting in on the burger action? You should!

The problem with a band playing in the background of my meat noshing is that sometimes they play really bad covers. Yesterday, the band busted out Volcano by Damien Rice. I was pumped when I heard the first chords. I forgot about Damien Rice! I was so obsessed with his music a few years ago. (Does anyone else remember the movie Closer with Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Clive Owen, and Julia Roberts?) Then the the dude started singing it and it reminded me of those girls who post videos on YouTube of themselves singing Adele while alone in their rooms. Yes, I sing to karaoke tracks on YouTube with the best of them, but, come on! Some things should just stay between you and the universe. 

As I stomped through the front door yelling to the Hubs about why a bad cover band gets under my skin, I started thinking about another Damien Rice song that has been in my head all day: 

Great song. FWP resolved!

[ya know]

I've been back in town for three full days of working on lots of odds and ends. Now I'm going back up to the lake to enjoy the best part of stressing so hard all school year! ;)

Why I Don't Read Glamour Magazine Anymore

When I was in my teens and early 20s, my room was covered with piles of magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan.

[via]

Then I started thinking about things. Some might say I started thinking too much and becoming a little tooooo critical. My first blasphemous thought was, "I think these confession stories are totally made up and ridic."

Then, I thought, "Gosh, how many ways are there to make a guy NOT ABLE TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF OF YOU? There is no way they can post the same article in different ways every month."

But they found a way. I gave them up for magazines like Bitch and Bust.

Recently, I started thinking more about the subliminal messages behind magazines when my independent study students read about media and feminism and showed me the website Beauty Redefined. What are these magazines really saying?

Maybe I'm little extreme, but come on! Can I get in trouble for doing this?

My dislike of these lady magazines was further exacerbated when I was on Facebook the other day and saw a post from Huffington called, "Turning 30: 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know" from a 1997 issue of Glamour: A list that made me feel like a Peggy Olson from MadMen whenever she's faced with a bunch of lame dudes.

[via]

Then I read an article from Time Magazine called, Why Glamour's '30 Things' List Makes Women Feel Inadequate.

THEN, I saw an awesome and hilarious blog post from The Broken Watch that redid Glamour's list and made me laugh.

Geez, I don't know about y'all, but being a classy lady in this world is difficult. I'm going to go to bed after drinking a glass of chocolate milk and watching an episode of Bob's Burgers on Netflix like a real woman.

Injury!

Ah! I hurt my shoulder from swimming so much! You know what that means... improper technique. I'm meeting with my swim guru on Thursday so we can figure out what I'm doing wrong. Also, since I started a new trimester at school I have been talking a lot and my throat hurts. I'm also a little tired. I can't tell if I'm sick or just beat. I am feeling a little bit like Debbie Downer this week:

It's okay. I've taken the dogs out for 2 mile walks each day that I haven't been able to do triathlon training. I'm still planning on completing the indoor triathlon on Saturday. I just hope I'm feeling better!

Exiled: Kalamazoo Teenagers Edition

If you have never seen or heard of the show Exiled on MTV, watch this:

MTV Shows

If it doesn't work, click here: Exiled... the most annoying show in history.

Every experience with students involved comes with its ups and downs. I've talked about the many ups, but now I'm going to talk honestly about a huge down for me: Sometimes I feel like I am living with the kids from the show Exiled. Here are some of the things I hear every day at least once and my usual response:

Student: It's SO hot here! UGHHHH!
Me: I know, and it's because we're in Senegal, which is a country in West Africa. It's usually pretty hot when you are by the equator.
Student: What?! Why is there no microwave? I wanna heat up my food!
Me: It's probably because we're in Senegal, which a developing country in West Africa. There aren't any microwaves in our neighborhood.
Student: What?!? There is no stove! How are we supposed to cook!?
Me: Well, we cook on a propane tank, which is what happens in Senegal.
Student: Why does this restaurant only have six things on the menu?!? Why is it taking so long? I'm hungry now!!
Me: That is what happens when you don't have industrial sized everything in your restaurant, which is usually what happens in Senegal.
Student: Where is the McDonalds?
Me: There is no McDonalds here.
Student: There are so many bugs here! Ugh, I'm gonna die!!!
Me: Yes, and that is because we're in Senegal, which is in West Africa. If there weren't bugs I'd be worried. You're not going to die. Calm down.
Student: Ugh, the power is always going out! I want to charge my iPod!
Me: It's probably because we're in Senegal, where the electricity is often going in and out. That can happen in a developing country.
Student: Why do we have to eat fish and rice every day for lunch!?! It makes me wanna throw up!
Me: Well, in Senegal, you have to eat something that will sustain you. That can happen in a developing country.
Student: Ew, your feet are dirty. Ugh, why are all the roads made of sand?!
Me: Well, it's probably because only a few of the roads are paved, like many of the places in countries like Senegal, which is in West Africa.
Student: It smells here!! Why is there trash everywhere?
Me: Well, who would pick it up? The Senegalese government can't pay for that.
And on, and on, and on. There are some things I can't type here.

Understandable the first two days. But now it is occurring every day. Every. Day. Thank goodness it is not from every student at the same time.

And the reason I keep saying Senegal is a country in West Africa to the students is because many of them are constantly referring to Senegal as "Africa" when Senegal is one of 54 countries on the continent of Africa. Note: Africa is not a country.

We'll get it some day. Until then, here is one of the many moments when I haven't wanted to shake a student by the shoulders until they understand what I'm talking about :)

Cooking together... I was just watching and then eating.

Cleaning up our wall so we could cover it after the graffiti workshop.

Troubleshooting the installation of the water purification system.

Being silly at Mame Yelli Badiane

Overlooking Dakar from the African Renaissance Monument

Drinking Baobab juice... mmmmmm

I'm telling you, I'm going to sleep for days when I get home. 

Love,

Jen

P.S. What? You wanna hear about my personal Exiled moment? Here ya go... it's my calf:

Wahhhhh, why do the mosquitoes like me so much?

Hanging My Head

Watch out... whiny blog post below.

Fifth year teacher burnout is quickly approaching. As a result of this, last Friday I did something kind of stupid crazy different. I gave up my plan period to take over an English 12 class. I needed a change from the 9th graders.
I now have five classes a day to plan and grade papers for:
1. Honors English 9A
2. Remedial English 9B
3. English 9B
4. English 9A
5. English 12B

This is forcing me to become more organized and I needed it. My students are a different story. I find them becoming more and more disorganized and disrespectful. Today a girl I normally joke with said to me, "Fuck you for thinking you can say I have to leave, fucking bitch."

That's cool.

I don't really know how much longer I can last in such a hostile environment.

The mood in this post is not one that I would want to shower on even my worst enemies. Sorry. But because I always attempt to resort to optimism to prevent the waves of cynicism from taking me under, the minute kids left my classroom I blasted the song belong and rocked out...

Let's Be Candid

Hello from the iPod! I'm just checking in... We have been so busy the last few days that I haven't had time to do anything blog related.

I just need to put this out there and say it. Having your period in Senegal sucks. Imagine intense humidity (and I mean intense, stick to anything you touch, immediately develop a second skin of sweat humidity) and heat and couple it with cramps and a head cold. Then imagine having to take care of this in a bathroom with no wastebasket, toilet seat (and in some cases toilet) or sink. Yesterday I walked into a bathroom that was a hole in the ground, albeit a very clean porcelin hole, and walked out because I decided to just hold it. This is probably too much information, but, damn. It's really hindering my research here! I wonder what women in the villages outside of the city do during their lady time. I haven't really felt homesick until now.

I will return with a longer and definitely more positive post tomorrow (Nate's birthday, by the way). I am in kind of a funk right now, but if you are a lady, you know as well as I do that the funk magically disappears in 3-5 days. :)

What up, French Keyboard!

Found an internet cafe today, but the computers are from 1998 so they don't recognize my camera software. It is very frustrating not having a computer here! The Lonley Planet guide says that internet cafes are becoming sparse here in Dakar because of wireless. I am a pretty resourceful gal, so I will make this work!

The flight was long, but uneventful. When I stepped off the plane in Dakar, I was hit with a wave of warm and heavy air. It's nothing I can't handle... I am from Michigan after all and we don't like to run our air conditioner so it feels like a normal Michigan summer day.

Yesterday we had lunch at Chez Loutcha and it was freaking awesome. I wish I could eat like that every day. Dinner was at Cafe di Roma and I will not eat there again. There wasn't anything wrong with it, but if I want pizza, I'll go to Little Caesar's when I get home. :)

Today we are visiting Goree Island. I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to prepare for this trip to Goree, so I will have more to say on it after our lecture and visit. We are taking the ferry, which will be interesting to say the least because I have never taken a ferry on the ocean before! This is a big tourist spot so I won't feel like such a toubab when I'm taking pictures. Oh yes, a toubab, by the way is what people say to me as I walk down Dakar's winding streets. It pretty much means white traveler with money. Sometimes someone comes up and says, "Hola," which I take as a compliment!

I will find a way to post pictures soon!

New clothes, empty wallet.

I got to my goal weight last weekend. Now, I am realizing how big most of the clothing in my wardrobe is and I am frustrated. It is a nice kind of frustration, but very expensive problem to have. I need new work shirts, work pants, sweaters, jeans... ugh. I am down from a size 14/16 (eeeee) to a size 10. Thank god for 360. I have been buying clothes from this consignment store since my first year at WMU. Yesterday I forked over $130 and got an Ann Taylor button up shirt, DKNY jeans, Ann Taylor cropped pants for work, H&M cropped pants for work, some jcrew khakis, some plaid shorts, 2 element tshirts, an Eddie Bauer dress and a cute tshirt from charlotte russe. It was amazing! I have always depended on this store, the owner is sweet, and I hope they stay in business for a long time.

I am going to make a trip to Old Navy (my other staple for new clothes) this weekend to look for more bargain buys.

Okay that is enough about materialistic things. I was just getting so tired and frustrated over my clothes and although I understand that it might be annoying to some people that I am complaining about this, it is still tiring and frustrating!