I am still awake at 12:29am the night before school starts. I'm leaving for a work trip tomorrow and I'm still not packed, but I'm feeling seriously excited about the future.
I don't have to have a first day of school tomorrow for the first time in my adult life. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't feel a little nostalgic, especially when I looked back to my very first blog post from 2006.
I loved teaching, but not the anxiety of the the month/week/day/hours before school started.
This weekend, I didn't...
Go into my classroom to ensure it looks absolutely perfect
Redo my syllabus after finding one error that no one would really notice, but I know they would notice because students LOVE to correct their teachers
Make my lunch
Pick out my first day of school outfit
Wake up after anxiety dreams in which I wasn't prepared
Make seating charts
Lesson plan
Worry about my to-do list
Make other to-do lists
Look at my class lists for siblings of students I've had in the past or students I've had in the past
Have to leave my end of summer weekend up north early because I wanted to get home so I could mentally prepare myself for the first day of school
I'm so relieved.
I'll be back to blogging about The Purge next week!
I love to-do lists. I love making lists of what I want and need to get done minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and sometimes even decades ahead of time.
This brings me to reflect on my 30 Before 30.
I've been 31 for almost 3 months and I've been thinking about how motivated I was while I worked on the good 'ole 30 Before 30 list. It was challenging, fun, and completing items on the list changed my life for the better:
8. Visit my grandparents in California. 9. Pop a champagne cork with no fear. 10. Make leche flan (it's Filipino, it's amazing, and I'm makin' it). 12. Revised 5/1/12 because I remembered that I'm supposed to graduate in December and my Master's degree is really important to me!!! Get my Master's degree 14. Pay off at least 50% of my remaining undergraduate credit card debt. 17. Pick berries and bake something with them. 8/24/12 18. Write at least one chapter of the novel that I write in my mind while I'm walking the dogs. 19. Thank my mom for everything she's done for me.
I didn't finish 12 of the items on the list, mostly due to my interests changing, lack of funds, lack of patience, fear, and indecision:
5. Play the piano in front of people: Fear 6. Visit my family in the Philippines (or at least have tickets booked by my 30th birthday): Lack of Funds 7. Have a conversation with a dear Senegalese friend in French or Wolof (preferably Wolof): Lack of Patience
11.Jar or can veggies, pickles, sauce... something: Lack of Patience
12. Submit some of my academic writing and then, maybe, you know... get it published: Fear, Indecision
13. Travel out of the country with Nate: Lack of Funds
15. Sing karaoke by myself in Kalamazoo in front of all of my friends: Fear 16. Eat clean for one month: Lack of Patience
20. Go further into the UP than the Mystery Spot tourist trap and jump into Lake Superior: Lack of Funds
22. Go on a police ride along: Interests Changing
24. Apply for PhD programs: Indecision
28. Learn how to drive a stick: Fear
So here is my new list: The Eleven Before Whenever List
1. Do something musical in front of people I know, whether it's playing the piano or singing-- just get over the childhood fear and do it.
The Hubs got me Beck's Song Reader (and a fishing pole) for my birthday, so I'll start with that. I'm hoping to learn and record a diddy and just post it here. Someday. When the fear subsides.
2. Travel, travel, travel: Maybe that means to the Philippines, maybe that means out of the country with Nate, maybe that means to Michigan's UP... I just want to travel and eat food as much and see as many new things as possible.
I went to NYC for work, which is a fun part of the job, but I want to go to places of my choosing as well.
3. Learn conversational French or Wolof: Learning a language is SO FRUSTRATING for me. I'm not a natural language-picker-upper. I'm going to continue trying to be patient with this.
4. Keep on keepin' on with trying to be healthy: Participate in the 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge, make garden boxes for the backyard and then jar or can something that we grow, work on loving myself at any size, find my happy weight (I feel thisclose), keep focusing on eating foods that aren't too processed, aim to do Swim to Moon one of these summers, compete in a half-ironman relay (swimming), lift weights and build my strength, not work too much, spend quality time with the Hubs... basically do everything that makes me feel awesome and nothing that makes me feel like crap physically OR emotionally.
5. Learn how to drive a damn stick: I just... I just... want to know.
6. Stop letting the prospect of a PhD loom over me: In an earlier post, I said I'd be posting curriculum here, but this isn't the space for it. I want to focus on establishing a website to share my research and teacher resources for free. I want to work on establishing my web presence as a curriculum person. I'd love to pick up some more curriculum consulting gigs too-- I got one this summer and it was so fun. The PhD Possibility will always be there.
7. I want to build something with the Hubs-- specifically, some kind of floor to ceiling bookshelf contraption for my office. I'm going to work over the next year to remodel my office. I will be posting more about it later. There is too much to say about the horror that is my office.
8. Continue to budget, pay off the rest of my debt outside of the big : Shame, shame... I just started budgeting in January for the first time in my life. I loving it and I even love a small percentage of Dave Ramsey's advice, despite the fact that we would not get along in real (or imaginary) life.
9. I'm working on a RIDIC clothing purge thanks to self-reflection, disgust in my clothing hoarding tendencies, Pinterest, and "Building a Grown-Up Wardrobe" ala the fantastic blog Aj Wears Clothes. It will be further described in a series of soul-baring posts. Let's just say that I don't wanna be a hoarder. I really don't.
10. Write, write, write: I won a micro-fiction writing contest around the concept for my novel. Hearing Steve Luxenberg, the author of the haunting Annie's Ghosts, read my work aloud in front of a few hundred people, hearing said people laugh where I hoped they would laugh, and having Mr. Luxenberg compliment my story were highlights of 2014. This is probably a project that will take me another five to ten years to complete-- in addition to the ten years I've already sat on this story and contemplated how I'm going to write it. That's some long term stuff.
11. Work on being more self-assured, more confident, and less hesitant:
It's time to read Lean In. And to stop apologizing for things that don't need an apology.
There it is. My itch to write a list has been scratched. Now I must attempt to have the patience to work on completing these... whenever.
...says every English teacher/former English teacher I've ever known, including me.
But really, I've been sitting on this book for more than ten years now. I've started it in my mind while walking the dogs countless times, but unfortunately, that doesn't count.
One of my 30b430 goals was to write at least one chapter of said book, which I did during National Novel Writing Month in 2012. However, I absolutely hated what I came up with. I can't even post it here. I can't even look at it right now.
Two years later, I have some inspiration. I think it's because I'm out of the classroom and done with my Master's and I need a new project. I was mostly inspired by NPR-- of course.
I wrote a micro story. From there, I've been organizing documents, doing research, and talking, talking, talking about it with friends and family (my apologies for not being able to talk about anything else). I've realized a few things from all of this pre-pre-writing:
1) I write better in vignettes and I need to stick with that.
2) I'm pretty good at research and I need to do something with that.
3) It's okay that it took this long to really start.
4) This is going to be hard.
I realize that it is irritating that I'm not saying what this book is about, but I'm not ready yet. In the next few months I'm hoping to...
1) Meet with an archivist who will help me figure out who to best transcribe documents, file, and organize them.
2) Transcribe documents, file, and organize them.
3) Write the prologue and first few chapters.
4) Complete a few interviews.
As I've settled into life outside of the classroom (which is TOTALLY different and lovely and still technically teaching but not as stressful), I've come to realize that since I'm not ignoring everyone I love and putting blood, sweat, and tears into making awesome daily lesson plans spending all of my time outside of school writing lesson plans and keeping my head above water, I should share a few pieces of the fruit of my research and labor: I'll be posting a resource connected to my multicultural/anti-biased/social justice-- whatever you call it-- way of teaching English once a week/two weeks/month/whenever I feel like it.
You can have it. And use it. And make it your own. And ask me questions about it if you want. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that I am in love with researching and writing curriculum:
It's like, how many frameworks, lesson plans, and unit plans do you want me to write? Fer reals.
It's in my future plans for school curriculum domination to work on a book proposal for likeminded English teachers, but I can't keep hoarding this stuff because people want it and I want to give it to them in a neat format.
So yeah, I've written about school before, but I always tried to avoid it since I was teaching in a school and this blog was a sweet me-haven away from school unless I needed to vent. I'm still going to write about everything I like, but writing lesson plans is one thing I like and I need to share the wealth.
I haven't revised The List sinceMay. I think it's time for some updates.
Goals I've Completed!
10 out of 30 complete and as I've said before, the goals I've completed got me out of the biggest life funk I've ever been in. If I stopped working on the list now I'd be satisfied. :)
18. Write at least one chapter of the novel that I write in my mind while I'm walking the dogs. 11/2012
I completed this goal, but I didn't write about it because I wasn't happy with the product. Writing a chapter is harder than I thought! It's done though and safely stored in my Dropbox, thanks to inspiration from Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month).
I never posted about this goal! This experience went from being terrifying to really cool. I got to spend time with a few amazing ladies, brush a horse, feed some goats, and ride a John Deere around in a field. Haha! I never pictured myself doing any of those things. Here are a few pictures:
Pam, the woman who gave me a riding lesson let Deann and I hang out with the animals before I rode. She said that grooming a horse lets you build a bond with it.
You can see the fear on my face. This horse was as old as me so I felt like we were meant to meet. I feared she would be as stubborn as me, but we got along just fine.
In the end, I did it and it wasn't so bad. I could tell that Pam really loves her horses and that appealed to my love of animals and made me more comfortable.
Goals with a Plan:
I know I'm getting these done sometime in the next five months!
5. Play the piano in front of people.
7. Have a conversation with a dear Senegalese friend in French or Wolof (preferably Wolof).
9. Pop a champagne cork with no fear.
10. Make leche flan (it's Filipino, it's amazing, and I'm makin' it).
11. Jar or can veggies, pickles, sauce... something.
12. Revised 5/1/12 because I remembered that I'm supposed to graduate in December and my Master's degree is really important to me!!! Get my Master's degree and submit some of my academic writing and then, maybe, you know... get it published.
14. Pay off at least 50% of my remaining undergraduate credit card debt.
15. Sing karaoke by myself in Kalamazoo in front of all of friends.
16. Eat clean for one month.
21. Get chosen Submit applications for one more summer fellowship in another country where I am able to work with youth.
22. Go on a police ride along.
23. Get to 200 blog posts.
25. Attend roller derby training so I can learn the moves.
28. Learn how to drive a stick.
29. Poach an egg perfectly.
Goals that Might Have to Wait Until I'm IN my 30's Due to Finances :(
It's disappointing, but the travel goals are probably going to have to wait a few years. Believe me when I say that they WILL get done. C'est la vie!
6. Visit my family in the Philippines (or at least have tickets booked by my 30th birthday).
8. Visit my grandparents in California.
13. Travel out of the country with Nate.
19. Thank my mom for everything she's done for me. (I wanted to do this by buying her a ticket to California or the Philippines. Until then, I will keep giving her love and props for helping me become who I am today!)
20. Go further into the UP than theMystery Spottourist trap and jump into Lake Superior.
This song is a sad, yet happy lament that I am back in a new school year in a new job. I think my blog might be a bit neglected for the next few months-- I'm negotiating the new politics of teaching in a private school, getting used to this new routine, and taking my last grad class before I write my capstone. I will be back when I can fit in the time to blog because, well, I love keeping a record of my life even if it's just for me.
The biggest goal I have for this fall is to figure out how to stay active. Exercise has become a huge part of my life and I don't want it to fall by the wayside. Working out is my beer at the end of the day, my therapy, my anti-depressant, my mood regulator... I need it!
I am still attacking my goals with rigor and I will post about riding a horse for the first time (eek!) soon. I also need to revise my list. Some of the things that were important to me a few months ago are no longer at the top of my list.
This semester has been, of course, insanely busy. Now that it's November things are finally starting to slow down and I'm getting into the groove. It only took 2 months. Ha!
I should be writing a paper for class. Instead I'm going to procrastinate with a picture update of what I've been up to since the trip. After all, this blog isn't just about travel...
I've been:
In July: Hanging with my beloved.
In August: Watching him perform as much as I can... he is really amazing.
Also in August: Relaxing in Lewiston, watching our nephew grow, and finding out we've got a niece coming!
One more time in August: Hanging with Funktion in Hoxeyville
In September: Taking the dogs out for their last warm weather walks and enjoying the last days of summer.
And of course in September: Setting up the classroom for another year!
In October: Powderpuff with my senior girls through their last homecoming (and my last year as a class advisor).
Also in October: Taking the dogs out through an October heat wave. YES!
My favorite part of October: Camping with my best friends and taking in Michigan's fall beauty
And of course, let's not forget the best holiday ever... Halloween with A.J. (who loves Halloween just as much as I do!)
That about does it. I've been cooking a lot so I'll probably be posting some recipes soon. I'll be presenting at the National Council for Teachers of English conference in Orlando in three weeks so I'll have some good stories to share about that (even though part of me would rather be here that weekend). Then I will be planning for my next big adventure to the Philippines in the summer of 2011 to see and write about my roots. I just figured... since I've got all of my shots and everything...
In celebration of MME testing week, I will post a link to one of my favorite organizations: Fair Test
Something's gotta change in the standardized testing realm... someday. I hope I'm a part of it.
In the meantime, I will keep tackling my mountains of grading at my favorite study space because grading is what you do when you are a young high school English teacher trying to keep things authentic!
Can I say divulge a secret? I looked at this PowerPoint the other day on starting a charter school in Michigan. It's something I might think more about after I get my master's degree. Right now it's just a PowerPoint I downloaded while I was eating my Scottish oatmeal at 5:30A.M. The seed has been planted. As Lucus said in Empire Records, "Who know where thoughts come from? They just appear."
